Relationships: What you don’t want to deal with takes precedence!

Written by on July 12, 2019

Published 2:30 p.m. ET  July 12, 2019

Often times you hear people say things like… you need to get in a relationship with an individual that lines up with what you want. Your mate needs to have the same goals. You should be evenly yoked with your partner. Honestly, I don’t think that any of that is bad advice, and I agree with those statements. However,  I do think it is a little bit deeper than that. Keep in mind, everything that I am going to say in this article is strictly my opinion.

Now… one question I know people like to throw at those who offer their opinion. “What makes you qualified to give advice?” My response to that is… everyone that has been in a committed relationship for a reasonable amount of time is qualified. We all have a life path, which is a journey full of lessons, and we are all learning (or should be). The difference between one person to the next is life experience and how life’s lessons are applied. Did you learn from what you have been through and how did you apply it?
To directly answer this question,  providing the recipient with what they want to know, I have been married for over 10 yrs. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. I think it is safe to say… I may know a little bit about what I am talking about.

Like any form of a committed relationship, mine has its ups and downs. You spend enough time with anyone under the same roof, at some point they are going to get THE HELL on your nerves. Anyone that says any different is a liar or their situation is as unique as a unicorn. Have you ever seen a unicorn in real life? I haven’t.  I doubt you have unless it was on a cartoon or some form of a television broadcast. All in all, he is my Ryder. I love him, and he has my back, as do I for him.

Back to the point… when you get ready to settle down and look for a potential mate you want to be on the same page. This is the only way your life as a unit will resemble any form of cohesiveness. My question to you is, have you thought about what you don’t like, and what you won’t accept (deal breakers)? On a rare occasion, these are brought up, but not enough. It is the shit that irritates you and makes your body shutter that is the most important to look out for. Think about life and how things go. Bad news travels five times faster than good news.  This goes for bad reviews, bad press, bad news, or bad anything.

My point is, your spouse could have five mind-blowing God sent attributes that you love. That same spouse could also have five things ( I will be nice and even say four) that make your insides down to your spirit boil, make your teeth grind,  make you wanna hold your breath, and cause you to pray to the good Lord you don’t hurt them, landing you on the five o’clock news. Now with that… what do you think is going to hold more weight as far as your outlook on your relationship? I am going to take a stab in the dark and say, you will be wanting to run away from that individual and possibly never come back.

My advice to you is… get to the root of the quirks first when you are dating an individual. Find out what are the things about that individual that could possibly jeopardize your freedom (if there are any). The least amount of time wasted… the better. There is no sense in becoming intimate with someone, intertwining your soul with them, to later rip the mended souls apart in a nasty breakup, or divorce. It would also be unfair to bring children into a situation, only to lead them into a broken home.

DO YOUR RESEARCH!! Research is necessary to write a paper in school, let alone joining your life with a stranger.  Anyone, you entertain the thought of building with has potentially been raised different from you and probably has a totally different outlook on life. The differences could work out to benefit the relationship, but you still need to know what you are working with. Informed decisions are the best ones made.

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